Brain Transplant, 07/12/1998

  "Good morning, William!"
  "Good morning, Lord Ensington, how are you today?"
  "I'm afraid I really am not in my best form at all."
  "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir. What seems to be bothering you? Is there
anything I can do to help?"
  "Well I rather doubt that. You see, yesterday at the doctors I endured
a quite gruesome experience."
  "Really, sir! What did doctor Suthers do to you this time?"
  "He removed my brain."
  "You don't say! That sounds horrible!"
  "And that, indeed, is exactly what it is. Words can barely express the
pain I had to sleep with last night. I tried everything to relieve the
throbbing in my head, but it was totally futile. It just continued to hurt,
no matter what pills I swallowed. If there is a single thing I have learnt
in this literally mindless world is never to trust a doctor. They all
compete in a mad race to slice and dice their own patients. They have no
sense of morality whatsoever! It's barbaric, like uncivilized monkeys. To
put it mildly, of course. Now you will remember that, won't you? Don't ever
in your life trust a doctor!"
  "Yes, sir! I'll keep that locked up as safe and sound as my great
grandfather's gold plated rifle."
  "Ah, so the old fellow gave you one of those, did he now? That is indeed a
valuable antique. You be sure to take good care of it, aswell as of old 
Macintosh."
  "That I will, sir."
  "There's a good boy."
  "Sir..."
  "Yes?"
  "Well sir... I was just wondering where your brain is now?"
  "Yes, well.. that is something I would prefer not to think about right
now. Every time I imagine my brain floating in a bowl of who knows
what, with his dirty fingers probing around everywhere, I get cold shivers
down my back. Not to mention that strange pain in all my limbs. I can only hope
that wherever my precious grey mass is lying this minute, it is not
permanently damaged in any way. I fear, however, that with Mr Suthers at the 
table that is what will happen anyway. That would be a most frustrating
loss indeed."
  "I'm going to church today, sir. I'll pray for that not to happen."
  "You are such a dear boy, William. Here, take these coins and buy
yourself a treat. You have deserved it today."
  "Thanks a million, sir, I can get my favourite with that! So... when will
you be getting your brain back?"
  "Oh I'm sure Mr Suthers will have caused all the damage he is capable of
within a week."